Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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