i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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