Pregnant stripper...not hot.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize