I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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