the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
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