he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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