I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
try to milk me bitch
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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