Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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