my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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