My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
