We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
