What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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