You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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