mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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