therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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