feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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