Betty ford says i'm here all night
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
