I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
