$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
