wanna go halves on a baby?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
