is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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