We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
