dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
