The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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