There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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