im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
