It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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