he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Welp...herpes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
