How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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