I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
