During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
operation harelip BJ is a go
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize