In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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