Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
