i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
