Where did you get a picture of my penis
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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