Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Found the puke drawer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
