This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
