It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His hands were made for my vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
