You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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