I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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