Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I did not marry a roomba.
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