I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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