i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
