Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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