So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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