I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
