I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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