i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
