I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I had to cum in my sink.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
