I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
