Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
