he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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