She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
