I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
