'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
