My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
