My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
