Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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