Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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