Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize