we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Randomize
