so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
