So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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