Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
