And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Randomize
