Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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