When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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