Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have demons in me.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
