id be glad to
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
