i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
