make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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